Have You Hugged a Homebody Today?

I stepped out yesterday, to do a bit of shopping. Not my favorite thing, it always heightens my nerves. A noted ,but controllable result of PTSD. This experience is nothing new for me, and can bring things into your awareness that most people would never notice. In every bunch of us there’s some who stand out. Most note someone tall or short, men and women note attractive women and men, and children misbehaving, draw the awareness of most adults. However, and I’ve commented on this before, there are those in the world invisible and missed. I think I see these invisible and forgotten based on past work experience. Along with this awareness given me, when I feel a bit odd from a PTSD response.

These aren’t people wearing funny hats or tattered clothing. That’s not what draws my attention. These oddities are subtle. It’s a look for some. Not the way the face looks, but where when approached the eyes go. But I understand it, I think.

You see, or maybe you don’t, these are people specifically trying to not catch anyone’s attention. It’s purposeful. You’ve known people like these all your lives. You knew them in school, when we called them shy. Some who were once bubbly and out going, may have changed themselves. Myself, I’m am a bit of a hermit now. Where as in my youth, I was very out going.

Whether you’ve known, know, or have noticed these my brother and sister, we are different. there’s no question. Some think we are angry grumpy rude. No, we’re overwhelmed, because we are quiet introspective homebody’s. This means we are hard to get to know.

From my perspective I have limits in the number of people I’m comfortable within a group, and that’s not 200 people moving about in a rush pushing carts in a shopping frenzy. In fact, my personal comfort zone is about 6 people.

Maybe my PTSD has helped in a way, if I’m honest. When I was one of those friendly social group gathering people, I passed judgment, all be it quietly and personally on people who were shy homebody’s. I did this in ignorance then. I was young invincible, living life fast, putting myself in difficult positions. Actions on my part that allowed me to experience, even if traumatic painful and tragic, this change. I’ve repent and understand, my private home-bodied brothers and sisters.

The funny thing though, like everyone else we are just trying to get by. Trying to get along in packed spaces. Trying to not be a bother or even be noticed. We, my antisocial family, aren’t hateful. Most of us, I feel, have good thoughts for our fellows. Some I’m sure, are even envious of the social butterflies out in the world. We are here, all over, waiting on the non-judgmental, the patient, and the calm to note our qualities. We make trustworthy loyal rational. life long friends, not hundreds of acquaintances. We in the end, are simply people. We offer a different perspective.

Have you hugged a homebody today?

A Social Network Taboo

I’d like to say a few things, about male/female relationships. Recognizing it’s a Social Network Taboo, if one wishes to keep up the social network. I must say as usual, I don’t care.
First, you’re beautiful. No male, and this is my masculine view, has an adjective more powerful, or the will to search for one.
Second, Good lord we know we’re not eloquent speakers, the locker room has ruined us all.
Third, some of us even try. We’re just so damn slow, the change is barely noticeable.
Fourth, If you wish to change a man, faster than his damn slowness allows, what the hell were you doing with him in the first place?
Finally Fifth, not all of us need utter silence for ESPN Sport Center. Some of us have other sport in mind, besides anything aired Saturday and Sunday. For some men those major television network Coliseum of commercial sales propaganda, mean nothing. We don’t believe subconsciously, drinking one beer over another will make us more or less attractive.
Yes gents, I know I’m not a spokesperson for the stereotypical male, but I do have the weekends free.
Maybe now is the time to worry.

Being Human

Being human isn’t easy, but working from the animal within, is taking the easy way out. What is being human? Being human is the ability to contrast compare and change. Being Human isn’t ones baser emotions of hate and fear, but to set those aside and love ones fellow human beings as they are, instead of changing them into a mirror image of self.

Nice Guys on the Bench

I’m pretty upset again, as a Nice Guy, which is really no surprise. I have never been married, and had few relationships, even if they are of a greater duration than that of my peers. I’ve note, even the men of my age, still go through companions as fast as the energy drinks they consume.

I would think these men would count themselves as lucky. They don’t though. They seem continuously on the prowl for the BBD. (Bigger Better Deal). They never realize how blessed they are. They verbally abuse their companion. Offer belittling them in public, only to show off. I would have thought these affectations would pass like the generations, but they have not.

My true issue is the men who’ve chosen this path, where it involves their female companions. These behaviors make it close to impossible for well-mannered “Nice Guys”, quiet as they are, to have a chance at a successful relationship. Which isn’t surprising, when one considers the emotions and questions that rise, from the shell-shocked female, after her latest male companion has abused insulted ignored or just taken for granted, all that could have been theirs.

For men like myself, who know or are often told they are a Nice Guy, a good friend, and like a brother, can even be a more difficult reality. One is of course, pleased to be in such company. However, the nice guy can be torn apart by these words. They can be a reminder of their loneliness, and failure to communicate their feelings effectively.

I’d like to help myself, and other Nice Guys with a word of advice, to disillusioned women. If you as a women, find all of your relationships have a tone that includes, belittling of your thoughts ideas and personal beliefs, it’s time for a change. This change is all up to the women. It starts with a realization that the relationships that have been, are the opposite of what’s truly desired.

After the true desire and realization are reached, a solution is easy. Take that internal list of Nice Guys, Just friends, and like Brothers, and look at it closely. Ask yourself why and what qualities,  these esteemed Nice Guys, friends, and like brothers, have that place them on this list.

You can allow yourselves as women, decent quality men. Arguably there are men on your personal mental relegation lists, that are excluded subconsciously or otherwise, for whatever reason.

Those reasons could be any number of things, such as looks, weight, style, earning potential, education, or considerations about what others within your circle may think or say. This should be looked at closely. Making sure first, that you are meeting your own expectations. Asking if you’re limiting yourself in your relationships, because of image and esteem issues, while looking at your past relationships success or failure.

My contention is, there are fine decent caring men who are excluded from many relationship possibilities, because they are Good Guys. They are decent caring men, willing to put in the work relationships require. Men who feel blessed by their companion, instead of entitled to a companion. Men who can listen, because they feel blessed to have someone sharing with them. Men who would never consider calling their female companion demeaning names, because first, it’s not in their nature, or second in any way called for.

There are fine men waiting on the sidelines, to enter the game, when it’s finally realized the starting line up has been no real show, but all flash. When you need someone with the energy, who will happily go into overtime, while still playing a clean game, those Nice Guys on the bench are happy and pleased to step in. Look to the bench, as a Nice Guy is there to step in, with fairness honesty, and modesty.

For men, flip-flop the sexes in this post. Whats good for the goose, is good for the gander.

A Quiet Dream

I’ve known you for years.

I have also loved you for those years.

Quietly in the corners of your time,

I have sat patiently on the sidelines.

 

I see the most beautiful work of art.

Full of dimension and truth,

freshly experienced each time destiny is blessing enough,

to perceive all of creation.

 

Grace and good fortune ever unflinching,

permit my eyes not, hedonistic wakings to a masterpiece,

such as mother-nature has so few times favored.

 

Never consenting to the moniker of collector,

a title many a blighter would treasure,

I’ve forever knowingly valued from afar,

when others would casually tender bids,

for what they can never provide.

 

No one, could afford themselves alone,

such wonderment.

Yet a print is not my wish.

The original masterwork, my dream.

 

Relationships Money and Violence

I’m not a fighter, in my relationships. I don’t yell rage or menace my partner, when there is friction. I would never raise my hand or strike my companion. Unfortunately my ways aren’t the ways of all men. I would even say the problem of abuse, and issues that can be the catalyst for abuse, are on the rise. I certainly don’t have any statistical proof of my supposition. It’s more a visceral response, based on what I see.

There is very little that will stress a relationship more, than difficulties with finances. With conditions as they are, I imagine there are more stressed relationships than there were 4 or 5 years ago. The true assessment of this hypothesis, I’ve done with my eyes and ears, when out in public and at home. I take what I observe today, then compare to memories of similar experiences in my past.

I’m not one to get out much, but like everyone else I must shop. This is a great time to observe the interactions of couples shopping together, and they are a dime a dozen. Also, shopping requires money, so the stress dynamic is in play.

The main arguments on the isles seem to come from impulse and convenience items or goods that are intoxicating. I’d put 1/3 of the shopping couples conflicts, in the intoxicant category. And yes, here it’s usually the female of the couple appealing for temperance. So with this observation, I can look at other situations and see if the same dynamic applies.

I can’t say I’m blessed, as a man in his mid-forties, with teenage as neighbors. I am though, blessed with much activity to draw in and draw on, with my living arrangements. I also think looking at the interactions of young couples, just learning about what real relationship require, is an excellent time to see the reality of monetary stresses at their base level. Young people having less money than established adults, generally speaking, creates a volatile environment to monitor.

I think it might be tradition, or even an inbred sense of responsibility, but this type of stress taints the mans behavior, more so than the female. Although this is merely my personal observation. I believe this is where the behaviors come into play, that shame men on the whole. This too is only my observation however, in the area of yelling I believe the woman have the men beat on this action. It’s easily though, the most socially acceptable of the behaviors. As for rage, that goes to the men, from the sound that comes through my living room wall. Finally we have menace in the mix. This is an action that leads to the domestic violence that sickens me, and that I deplore.

I know the monetary stress is taking its toll. I know this because, the issue has seeped through my walls. I know it’s gone too far for a couple, when there financial issues wake me in the night. I see the relationship is at a tragic point, or should be, when I’m reaching for the phone, wondering if I should make a call. And, it’s completely beyond repair, when I’ve dial the police, because the slam against my wall had me thinking, I was going to have a house guest.

It’s amazing though, that a males ego and pride can lead to such anger, as well as violence. To me a difficult challenge should be met by a coming together. Obstacles should bring to a couple, unity of purpose. The roll of help-mate not hurt-mate, should be the practice of both parties. That though, was not the experience of last night.

Are these abusive practices on the rise? Yes, I believe they are in the younger generations. Whether it’s a lack of two parent families, because of divorce, or a step back from two parent families traditional roles, there seems to be an unwanted result. Possibly it’s a product of media influence. Whatever it is, I don’t like the trend I see, or the future it represents. I also feel, outcomes like last night, give men on the whole a bad name. And frankly I don’t think the penalties for such behavior go far enough. I’m not arguing for harsher sentences. I am though asking other men who aren’t abusers to shun those who are. To look at your group of buddies, and remove from your circle those who are giving you a bad name. Don’t make excuses. Don’t listen to their justifications, as there aren’t any. In the words of Isaac Asimov “Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent”.

 

His Name Was Scott

There are moments when life changes in a split second. I hate to say it, but most of the time these aren’t “Lottery Winning Moments” . I know, everyone has been given their own burdens to bear, in this life we led. If you don’t have any burdens of your own please write. I want to know the person, and this Utopian life they lead. Or simply see how well the lie of a burden free life is told. As that’s all I can see the claim as being.

Long ago as an outsider I slipped into a group of wonderfully flawed social misfits. Which hey, go figure, worked for me. These guy had all gone to school together, when they went to school. Honestly not in the greatest of areas back then. It was just past Seattle city line, out of “Rat City”.

I fit well with crew of guys. Hell, shared homes meals bottles booze work and life in general with these guys. The times weren’t always the best, but we all made it through. Strengthening our friendship. We even got a nickname, “The Ton of Fun, Crew”. Our boss came up with that, and referred to us by it. The job was like being an under paid over work bouncers, wrestlers, and amateur kick boxers. I never even in the beginning felt my back wasn’t 100% covered. You may not know these kind of work situations, where the “customers”, are a blaze, flying their gang colors. Where the insult at the end of the night is one of those gang members tries to put $50 in your pocket, from the roll of ill-gotten gains. Telling you to buy something nice, while almost laughing in your face flaunting their rolls of cash.

There came a time for us, even with unity, our group was broke up. Things do change in life. It is the way of things. The youngest of our group broke away first, and move to a new position in the same company. An advancement, with a nice increase in pay. We were all pleased for him.

Our youngest group member had been working so hard to change his life. We all saw it as wonderful, and definitely for the better. He had trimmed down to a healthy weight, just before he had taken the new position. Shortly after that, he purchased a new car. Also because of the life changes and time, his skin cleared up from his youthful acne. But I think best of all at the time, it was nice to see our friend and fellow misfit was now, after never having been even noticed before, popular and even looked up to. He, we felt, was doing very well, and all of us were pleased. Our friend, even started dating, and soon found his first female companion. We all had spoken together as the relationship went forward. Some of us having more experience with relationships, and as this was his first, he was Cautioned, and it was Highly recommended that he simply be watchful considering the newness of it all. We were all friends, and friends do these things

It was only a short time later, when he said he was moving. He was taking up residence with his new girlfriend. He was challenged about this decision at the time. There was concern that time didn’t allow him the knowledge he needed, to properly evaluate the repercussions of the choice he was making. It was mentioned that returning to the former living situation wasn’t going to be a possibility. This because of a move being made stimulated by his move out. This was presented to him not because of perceived rashness of his choice, but financial needs. A last attempt was still made to snap him out of the spell he was under. The spell cast by a mans first love.

His choice made, he fell into the rhythm of work and his new relationship easily. The female attention he had, new and fresh though it was to him, had its own agenda. In this case, I have felt it was financial security. He was a saver not a spender. There were no bad habits, for him. His life was frugal, never excessive. It just wasn’t him. Kind as he was, I think the stress of this new financial burden got to him over time. She was confronted by him, over the increasing financial burden, her having quit her job. Nothing unusual for her. She had him though and tried to used his inexperience against him. She told him it was over and to get out. I’m sure she was thinking he would apologize and bend to her demands. He did none of that. He took her at her word, which ended his first relationship.

A tough dream lost by a fine man. A man frankly never noticed, but by a few. With women, he for all but a few months of life, was 100% relegated to the friends list, without a thought. Not a crime, but a fact. I feel a weight he felt he couldn’t face. He had changed all he had been, but tried to be what he wasn’t, to be with someone who didn’t want the amazing man he was, or even the amazing man he was trying to become.

Don’t get me wrong, I know these situations go both ways but this is a part of my life I’m trying to share.

Caught, confused embarrassed and hurt by the loss of first love. He made a rash decision. My friend ended his life, with a $79.00 K-mart shotgun. Purchased the same day of the break up. He had taken a drive in his new car to the waterfront, looking across at the Seattle city skyline. He was found by a morning jogger. They brought in the police what they found on his person for ID was the paycheck stub for the check given to him when he finished work the night of his death.

I have always been a private guy I don’t go out much even now let alone then. We because of what we did we weren’t people’s favorite. You see five guys, all over six-foot, barreling out a Monte Carlo with a combined weight of 1500 lbs. (and armed) you pay attention. I had pulled a swing shift and was just getting to sleep, when a knock came on our door. I was my boss and the police. Nobody was coming in till I found out what the hell was going on. Informed, I seated them in the living room. I sharing a home now with my now dead friends brother. I went to his room, no one else was breaking this news.

I want you to know, some people are born hard, and some grow hard from life experience. Diamond hard is the only way I can break such news.

I cracked the door and stepped into his room. I closed the door, and woke his mother’s now only son. There wasn’t a chance in hell I was taking this man to the living room, to allow a total stranger, a police officer to boot, drop this suicide bomb on him. He woke slow, but I let the house guest sit. When I told him of his brother, I also told him of our guests. I also was left to tell him of the police’s request. A request for him to relinquish for a time his licensed sidearm.

Although I have done it before, that was the last time in my life, that I had to take a gun from someone. It’s just a shame it was this man. A person who had saved my ass time and again. This complex person, who had lost his own brother to a gunshot. A man who would have taken a bullet for me. A man who was now his parents only child. A man sadly short his brother, whose name was Scott.

Returning to a Point, Before Fear

I have always loved people. People of all kinds. I don’t place rules on people. By that I mean, predetermine expectations that beliefs habit or culture must match my beliefs, or accept my ways as better and something to strive for.

For me, the present ways of the world are confusing. War and conflict, death and destruction, divide and conquer are the ways I speak of. With what seems to also be a struggle for resources, hidden behind the banner of American style democratization, hiding unspoken at the core of the present, confusing way. A phenomenon I see as the, I must get mine before you get yours, mind-set.

This phenomenon is caused, I feel, by a self-imposed fear. Not so much of the individuals fear, although it has affected that too, but a national fear. A fear that’s been easy to tap into, after The United States physical geography was compromised by attack. It was said at the time, “we can’t let a good crisis go to waste”.

I think this was the final huddle, for an agenda based in fear. Fear of a loss of influence, power, and control of a World Stage, as other more populous countries become stronger economic powers. The thinking and logic behind resource control, which is our foreign policy, allows for metering national economic advancements, in up and coming economic powers. The thinking here is, controlling  resources allow for the limitation of imports on those resources. Resources that could create large revenues for advancing economic powers.

This action has been pushed by China quietly gathering access to reserves of Rare Earth resources. The reason behind that being directly related to the underlying actions in our democratization, dare I say Crusade. A crusade that actually has little to do with the main stated purpose of Freedom and Democratization .

I’ve said all this not agreeing with the violence on the part of any nation. Violence which I believe to be somewhat caused by our example. Holding a policy position, while actions are taken that don’t  move towards that policy position, is a method of influence our leaders have used in the past many times. Now I expect everyone to utilize the same method, in achieving their goals.

I love my country. I would never accept someones physical control of our nations land. By that I can also understand those who don’t appreciate our occupation. So, I feel in moving our foreign policy forward ,while maintaining our place as a  world power, with a voice that’s listened to, requires a change in the implementation our foreign policy. I know and recognize there are powers within the United States, who will fight against any change of direction in our foreign policy, as it means monetary losses themselves and their friends.

Returning to a point where we had control of ourselves, requires that the public for a start,  recognizes that fear is being used as a method of quiet control here at home. Fear that guides the public into unquestioning acceptance of our nations actions abroad. Actions taken in all our name. Actions where war and conflict, death and destruction, divide and conquer are the method used for the implementation of our foreign policies. A policy, as I’ve stated of, “I must get mine before you get yours”, resource control, under the guise of spreading freedom and democracy.

Morals and ethics, even when they take effort and sacrifice to achieve, will serve you better when it comes to respect, than raw force and power.

She asked if only to know… (Trust)

She asked if only to know, do you see me as a shell not a soul ? To know me takes long days.. weeks.. months, even years. Breaking down barriers. Exposing, ones fears. Not so much Listening to what’s said, as what’s meant

For who beholds beauty, in face and in hand, but the cowardly, unthinking neanderthal man. So afraid of himself, he looks for his solace in beauty and form, like a musicians chorus. Not lyric, or meaning of song.

She asked once again this time for the truth. I do he said, his voice with a waiver. A hope against hope, to win her favor. But his lie was seen through.

%d bloggers like this: