Have You Hugged a Homebody Today?

I stepped out yesterday, to do a bit of shopping. Not my favorite thing, it always heightens my nerves. A noted ,but controllable result of PTSD. This experience is nothing new for me, and can bring things into your awareness that most people would never notice. In every bunch of us there’s some who stand out. Most note someone tall or short, men and women note attractive women and men, and children misbehaving, draw the awareness of most adults. However, and I’ve commented on this before, there are those in the world invisible and missed. I think I see these invisible and forgotten based on past work experience. Along with this awareness given me, when I feel a bit odd from a PTSD response.

These aren’t people wearing funny hats or tattered clothing. That’s not what draws my attention. These oddities are subtle. It’s a look for some. Not the way the face looks, but where when approached the eyes go. But I understand it, I think.

You see, or maybe you don’t, these are people specifically trying to not catch anyone’s attention. It’s purposeful. You’ve known people like these all your lives. You knew them in school, when we called them shy. Some who were once bubbly and out going, may have changed themselves. Myself, I’m am a bit of a hermit now. Where as in my youth, I was very out going.

Whether you’ve known, know, or have noticed these my brother and sister, we are different. there’s no question. Some think we are angry grumpy rude. No, we’re overwhelmed, because we are quiet introspective homebody’s. This means we are hard to get to know.

From my perspective I have limits in the number of people I’m comfortable within a group, and that’s not 200 people moving about in a rush pushing carts in a shopping frenzy. In fact, my personal comfort zone is about 6 people.

Maybe my PTSD has helped in a way, if I’m honest. When I was one of those friendly social group gathering people, I passed judgment, all be it quietly and personally on people who were shy homebody’s. I did this in ignorance then. I was young invincible, living life fast, putting myself in difficult positions. Actions on my part that allowed me to experience, even if traumatic painful and tragic, this change. I’ve repent and understand, my private home-bodied brothers and sisters.

The funny thing though, like everyone else we are just trying to get by. Trying to get along in packed spaces. Trying to not be a bother or even be noticed. We, my antisocial family, aren’t hateful. Most of us, I feel, have good thoughts for our fellows. Some I’m sure, are even envious of the social butterflies out in the world. We are here, all over, waiting on the non-judgmental, the patient, and the calm to note our qualities. We make trustworthy loyal rational. life long friends, not hundreds of acquaintances. We in the end, are simply people. We offer a different perspective.

Have you hugged a homebody today?

The Darker Side of a Human Experience

I find many have questions about my personal issues. They want to know why I call myself a hermit. Some what to know how I became a hermit. Others ask why I feel a need to limit my contact with people, even as I profess to loving all of humanity and the wonders of uniqueness within all people. So, I will attempt to share the truth and whys of this aspect of my life.

There is a time in my past where I lost all faith in the decency of my fellow humans. It took some time for these feelings of fading faith and trust, to degrade to a point, where a single action pushed these issues straight over the edge, for yours truly.

I know I’ve seen more of the darker side of humanity, than most. I think that’s a good thing though. I think, most often, those on the darker side haven’t made an overt or conscious choice to get where they are. With circumstances often beyond youths control, youth as it ages in difficulty and stress, moves towards this, that I call the darker side of a human experience.

My first upset back then, was the effect of poverty. Even in a western culture, under our standards, poverty is a sad state of affairs. It wasn’t the struggle of the adults in poverty that was difficult. It was the suffering of the young whose parents were struggling. It was knowing that there was enough not to end the struggle of the parents but the suffering of the children.

Seeing how youth has changed, and not for the better, when something truly their own, was missing from their life. When others have had good summer vacations with family, but yours was trying to save some change for clean laundry. Knowing other families have leftovers from meals, when your experience is white bread and mayonnaise sandwiches, after scraping together enough change, at the month’s end, for a loaf of bread, isn’t the best place for youth to consider their future.

So I’ve watched what actions become more common and seemingly acceptable as these age groups progress in years. Knowing at the same time, because of various other experiences, that such a life for children doesn’t have to exist . That doesn’t stop the negative advancement. Knowing there’s an answer and having the powers that be take the decision that gives the answer motion are completely different.

My first hit to faith was the no action for the sake of children. My second hit to faith was the young themselves, and the ease at which their ethical actions push aside. But here, I don’t actually see any behaviors that other poor populace’s don’t espouse when impoverished themselves. Maybe I was wrong to hope for better.

These are small issues. The true move over the edge is seeing those youth who’ve become adults in this environment, who now have a real choice in life, as to their direction, choosing to advance their loss of moral and ethical values under the free will of adulthood.

These observations of a communities dynamic came from direct observation, while working at a crappy Convenience-Store. Granted, you do see the best and the worst of humanity in such a place. Honestly though, those best parts of humanity are very few and farther between, than one would hope.

The worst of humanity is what caused my personal change. My lack of trust and loss of faith in my fellow-man, is complete with this, the worst part. That part being those youths who’ve grown to adulthood and not changed their path but escalated their crimes.

I had a friend stop in my work after his work to grab his nightly 16 ounce beer and chat. I had a bunch of customers rushing to buy alcohol, and in queue. My friend said hello to a female customer, and all hell broke loose. My friend was then attacked, by the girls boyfriend, who was also a neighborhood gang member. While this happened others held me back, and seeing an opportunity the customers looted the store. Meanwhile while being held back, the gang members attempted the murder of my friend while I could only struggle and watch.

When it finished, after the looting beating ambulance and police, I cleaned up the puddles of blood my friend had left, and pulled blood spattered products off the shelves, and tried to clean the dried droplets from the windows, and finished my shift. I’ve never to return to the neighborhood let alone the store.

Several months later I testified against the three gang member, at trial. They were, convicted. I lost a friend too. I think that was destiny. I know I suffered guilt for so long, not being able to save a friend from such a fate. I’ve also even though I love humanity, I have no faith or trust in those whom I don’t know. This is why I choose the life of a hermit. These circumstances are why I stay close to home. You see it’s not for me I stay home, it’s for you. Protection is the concern. Protecting you from me. My lack of trust and faith in you, brings me to a full defensive state. A state of mind where the unknowns are a danger and those dangers might cause on my part the inappropriate actions, of which I complain. A loss of morals and ethics, as my body slips into survival mood.

I am kind loving stable and happy when holding down the hermit home front. I am a spring ready to snap, ready to give up my life for those I love, without question, on a seconds notice of perceived danger. I am a hermit, and see myself as an unaccounted for variable when spending time in public. As a hermit I care and I love, in public I’m a time bomb that searches for injustice and crime. I have what I’m told is a special look. Which has now and then served me well. The unknown for other is when that look comes, how close I am to dispensing my brand of vigilantly justice, with a special emphasis on adults who are lucky enough to have children, but choose to abuse them in public. Because the children are innocence, till the world of selfish uncaring inattentive abusive adults, destroys the children from within.

So, Why am I a hermit? I am a hermit for you, so I can keep love in my heart for everyone.

Cereal Crimes

I’ve taken some time to considering a few issues conditions and circumstances, I feel could meld into a problem greater than they would otherwise be individually. The connected concerns relate to health, nutrition, family finance, a change in kitchen skills, menu planning, meal preparation,  the advertisement, chemist created, and processed foods.

My first concern was the health of family, friends, and frankly all my human fellows. I see the trends our culture spreads. As we’ve become less healthy in our living style, other counties have taken up the same dangerous path, our changing work and life habits have traveled.

Our change in Nutrition, or what would become known of as nutrition, came with advancements in industries technology and transportation. These sectors required, an ever-increasing work force to support and grow these businesses sectors. First this growth removed time from those already working, as they worked ever-increasing hours. Then the advancement required and took a new workforce. These new workers, drawn from what were at the time traditional family homes. A workforce last employed in war production. When these laborers last worked, they were not just wanted but desperately needed, to make up for those sent to fight overseas.

Family finance had begun to change too, and one income was no longer enough, as public and private debt grew and slow inflation decreased the buying power of the dollar. However, we continued to strive for the instilled ideal, we called the American Dream. The choice was in general, lost for men and women right then. Whether to stay home and raise a family or work, was no longer a question. This new and close to life requirement occurred, just as real calls for women’s rights gained their highest acknowledgment in the public’s eye, for the growing movement. Which for some sharpen beliefs in conservative or traditional values, as it simultaneously changed how the future would define it.

With the change to the family structure, whether it be two parents working, dual parental guardianship between two homes, post divorce , or the fast advance of single parent families over the next two decades, habits further changed in how we fed ourselves, and most particularly our children.

The skills of a new generation changed, as practices from the previous were not longer passed on. The understanding of how to manage a kitchen was lost, as counter space became a pile of plastic and wires, with generations of supposed labor-saving devices. Each of these seemingly to prepare quick, refined, and packaged food stuffs.

Shopping for the weekly groceries had changed. People now had less time. and available stocks of chemically altered, preserved, long shelf-life, long traveled edible products had increased. The shopping of the past, where people purchased fresh ingredients to created meals from, had turned to something mostly seen in Sunday meals and family holidays. Everyday eating had and has turned into something on the run in a bag and a box, to something quick at home from a bag or a box. The term “Convenience Foods” was accepted by the public, and became the pillar of our diets.

Taking the changes over time, and a silent American philosophy, our changing diet’s damage would continue. What is this philosophy? “Bigger is Better”. So we super-sized our diets, wastes, closets, food budgets, cars, health issues, costs and debts.

In all, these problems aren’t only from within, or made strictly based on the time constraints of what we see as the modern world. No. We’ve had more help than we realize, in changing our habits. Our growth into this modern age came with the technology of mass visual media, mass marketing and advertising. All of these capture the mind after you work long hours. All of these manipulations have confronted, and will continue to affect, entire generations of latchkey kids. Visual media becoming a time filling device, as much as entertainment or an electronic baby sitter. But the resulting effect of visual media, even in small children, is readily observed.

There aren’t many of us who haven’t seen the conflict between parents and their children on the cereal aisle or with impulse items at check out. These conflicts often happen over brand named products, and include children younger than reading age. I’m sure many have noted this phenomenon, whether with your own children, or by simple observation on your own shopping journey. But, have you ever asked why? Have you ever asked, are these impulses instilled in me?

With out a doubt, they are in all of use who experience the subtle manipulations of marketing and advertising. Our actions, like over eating, brand name recognition, wanting of a new updated upgraded and improved everything has come over the ether and into our homes each day. We’ve been trained over generations of change and supposed advancement. We’re manipulated by commercials made with the best and brightest in psychology and psychiatry, participating in their creation. Our entertainments reinforce the Clockwork Orange programing. With convenience foods like chips, pizza, and soda taking center stage, but in subtle placements.

Dissatisfaction and boycott, complaint and notification to a complicit press, don’t often bring change. Reason awareness and dissemination of education, as to these bumps weighed options and mind manipulations is a start. The path behind us destroyed. and the other we influence are destroying their paths back, never looking behind.

Our true revelation of the path we’ve tread is still ahead. What caused our turns on this path, who set up the signs, and who changed them, like a table-cloth, is still to unfold. But for now, as you sit down for your next 16 oz steak, pint of Ben and Jerry’s, or giant tub of movie theater popcorn with extra butter, maybe some of what I’ve mentioned here, could be food for thought.

 

Seasonal Insanity

Once again I am confused. It happens to me every Holiday season. In my life I can say, I’m not exactly what most would consider normal, as it deals with Material Culture. You see, I don’t worry about things like grease spots on a shirt, or water spots on silverware. In my life, situations like an overflowing toilet, are not what I consider a crisis. It won’t ruin my day, or cause some kind of Drama trauma. I also, in my reasoning, don’t hunger for the latest, in vogue, electronic gadget. These things have little importance to me on the grand scale.

Having these beliefs and ways, I come into conflict with the programmed consumerism, that’s exaggerated this time of year. It’s a sad spectacle for me, not understanding the drive. Black Friday participation, seems more like a programmed Borderline personality disorder of the consuming public, to me. In this manifestation, the retail businesses are simply the enablers. Businesses who put a small number of crazy low-priced goods, know what they are stimulating. They desire the feeding frenzy, of consumers driven temporarily insane. They need those who are  willing to stand in line, and wrestle around for overpriced plastic or electronic goods, to pump their bottom line for stock holders. Goods manufactured abroad. Products that have possible directly or indirectly taken the job of a friend neighbor or family member who’s struggling to find work or stay in their home.

The once a year manufactured buying frenzy, not only has caused a portion of  the previously mentioned jobs housing issue, but it has also caused a loss in perspective as to the true nature of such holidays. Here I’m not talking about the religious connections, but the connection of people, as they gather together in warmth and friendship, peace and love.

I hate to say this during the holidays, and considering difficult economic times with large unemployment figures and massive private debt, although that’s seems to be slowly being whittled away, but this massive  frenzied consumerism of foreign-made goods, with built-in planned obsolescence, is only taking the unemployed, under employed, and blue-collar union workers, whose jobs are being shipped overseas, is only serving to shoot those groups in the foot. Hobbling their own futures.

In this annual, traditional, manufactured insanity,  I believe the consumer forgets they have a vote here, within this insanity. Forgotten or unknown to shopper, is the ability to vote with their dollars. They forget this power, or simply ignore it to their detriment. You see in this craze, there are moral and ethical choices to be made. The chance to not buy from companies who utilize slave or child labor, is only one. To say with a purchase of one manufacture goods over another, that you approve of the higher standard of business ethics they keep over, above, and beyond their competitors, is another. I also don’t think basic workers rights, or the opportunity to buy goods manufactured in your own country, can be ignored either. And these are only a few ways to vote with money.

There is nothing wrong with being a consumer, we all are. There is an issue with being an ignorant consumer, that cuts their own future fiscal throat. The rights or wrongs are not mine to judge, I merely opine here on the present condition. I do think however ,that during the Seasonal Shopping Wars, that an ignorant consumer is tantamount to cannon balls, shot at our nations economy.  Economic traitor, who needs consumer re-education. So they too may realize their own folly,  in causing themselves economic damage.  I’ll add to that also, so they quit shooting those who are already educated, thinking shopper, in the damn foot. Hobbling to an extent, our own economies growth and job production.

My wish only wish for the consumer portion of the holiday, is that there are more of us doing the right thing when it comes to Voting with our seasonal shopping dollar.

Re: Life’s Gun Battles

I wrote “Life’s Gun Battles”, and it’s got me thinking about my past, and our future. It gave me a desire to post the link, therefore re-posting the original work. I was thinking, even hoping, more might read it, taking my experience to heart. Maybe even understand the request for reason and logic, in the issue of firearms, here in the United States.

You see, I know people who have acquired their firearms in a fully legal and legitimate manner. They have done no wrong to this point. However, they aren’t really people who would have been given the right to do so, (CWP – Concealed Weapons Permit) with a fully comprehensive  and accountable licensing program.

Preferably one that takes more into consideration than a few questions, a signature, and a short wait, while a cursory background check is preformed, and completed

The Link  below holds elements of my life experience. Elements which have served to form my reasoning, and thus my desire for a more well rounded, in depth, and responsible system of firearm licensing. I hope a few more read “Life’s Gun Battles”. At least readers will know the direction  I’m coming from, when it comes to experiences with firearms.

Life’s Gun Battles.

Life’s Gun Battles

Guns are fine, it’s the people who have them that are the issue. I have three friends who have been shot down in the street, and one that blew his head off with a 79 dollar Kmart shotgun. I don’t deny you your Second Amendment right. I want you to have it. But, suspicion and threat isn’t a reason to kill. Nor is depression.

When you’ve been shot at personally, come talk to me. When you’ve been held at gun point, (more than once) come talk to me. When you’ve provided aid to gunshot victims, come talk to me. When you’ve cleaned up the blood from repeated eruptions of violence,  come talk to me. When you’ve taken the gun from the hand of a man about to commit a murder, then come talk to me. When your friend sits in wheel chair, forever changed from being shot in the streets, then come talk to me. When one of your friends needs 9 surgeries,to save his life, from gun shot wounds to the belly, then come talk to me. When you testify in attempted murder trail, because your friend has been beat down by those who commit violence, while you’re held back so you can watch the beating, then come talk to me about what you really know about guns, and what they really do.

Come walk a mile in my shoes, with something besides what you read on board, and how you interpret it. Only then we will be on fair ground. Till them count yourselves lucky when you go to bed at night, that none of this has happened to you. Know you’re better off just seeing it on TV, as then you won’t get hurt. But when it’s you, and you have some reality besides what you read and see on the tube, then you can fairly tell me your opinions. Till then be happy. And know I pray, honestly pray, we never meet having these shared experiences as common ground.

I’ve scratched the surface of my experience here. How have you formed your opinions on guns and gun control?  I don’t think or believe it to be a bad thing for most. As most are and can be trustworthy and responsible.  But I have experience, that overshadows anything you can see on TV, or read on the web or in a paper.  It can even overwhelm my own good sense, when confronted with my own experience,  as to who should and shouldn’t have firearms. It’s tough to see your fellow-man shot down in the streets.

“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” A quote from Isaac Asimov, a Vice President of Mensa International, in his day. A quote I believe to be true. But in using his words, and professing my agreement, the fully uneducated person I am, must not have thought it through. I must not have considered fully, as he did, the meaning of the words. I must not have tried to put the meaning of the words into practice in my own life. I must not have been able like he, to consider the morals and ethics, in the taking of  life.

I’ve seen enough. I don’t need to see any more, to judge myself and my fellow-man. It’s been shown to me. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. You see violence, it’s been the last refuge of the incompetent for a while now. Please though, continue to Judge me for my life experiences, as I’ve seen you Judge others in ignorance. I have an opinion forged  in the fires violence, tempered by real word experience. I don’t want to take anything from my fellows. What I wish for is reason and logic, in our decision-making processes. Not total denial of our rights.

What experiences do you have with Guns and/or Gun Violence,  helping to form your opinions and changing your life?

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