Have You Hugged a Homebody Today?

I stepped out yesterday, to do a bit of shopping. Not my favorite thing, it always heightens my nerves. A noted ,but controllable result of PTSD. This experience is nothing new for me, and can bring things into your awareness that most people would never notice. In every bunch of us there’s some who stand out. Most note someone tall or short, men and women note attractive women and men, and children misbehaving, draw the awareness of most adults. However, and I’ve commented on this before, there are those in the world invisible and missed. I think I see these invisible and forgotten based on past work experience. Along with this awareness given me, when I feel a bit odd from a PTSD response.

These aren’t people wearing funny hats or tattered clothing. That’s not what draws my attention. These oddities are subtle. It’s a look for some. Not the way the face looks, but where when approached the eyes go. But I understand it, I think.

You see, or maybe you don’t, these are people specifically trying to not catch anyone’s attention. It’s purposeful. You’ve known people like these all your lives. You knew them in school, when we called them shy. Some who were once bubbly and out going, may have changed themselves. Myself, I’m am a bit of a hermit now. Where as in my youth, I was very out going.

Whether you’ve known, know, or have noticed these my brother and sister, we are different. there’s no question. Some think we are angry grumpy rude. No, we’re overwhelmed, because we are quiet introspective homebody’s. This means we are hard to get to know.

From my perspective I have limits in the number of people I’m comfortable within a group, and that’s not 200 people moving about in a rush pushing carts in a shopping frenzy. In fact, my personal comfort zone is about 6 people.

Maybe my PTSD has helped in a way, if I’m honest. When I was one of those friendly social group gathering people, I passed judgment, all be it quietly and personally on people who were shy homebody’s. I did this in ignorance then. I was young invincible, living life fast, putting myself in difficult positions. Actions on my part that allowed me to experience, even if traumatic painful and tragic, this change. I’ve repent and understand, my private home-bodied brothers and sisters.

The funny thing though, like everyone else we are just trying to get by. Trying to get along in packed spaces. Trying to not be a bother or even be noticed. We, my antisocial family, aren’t hateful. Most of us, I feel, have good thoughts for our fellows. Some I’m sure, are even envious of the social butterflies out in the world. We are here, all over, waiting on the non-judgmental, the patient, and the calm to note our qualities. We make trustworthy loyal rational. life long friends, not hundreds of acquaintances. We in the end, are simply people. We offer a different perspective.

Have you hugged a homebody today?

A Social Network Taboo

I’d like to say a few things, about male/female relationships. Recognizing it’s a Social Network Taboo, if one wishes to keep up the social network. I must say as usual, I don’t care.
First, you’re beautiful. No male, and this is my masculine view, has an adjective more powerful, or the will to search for one.
Second, Good lord we know we’re not eloquent speakers, the locker room has ruined us all.
Third, some of us even try. We’re just so damn slow, the change is barely noticeable.
Fourth, If you wish to change a man, faster than his damn slowness allows, what the hell were you doing with him in the first place?
Finally Fifth, not all of us need utter silence for ESPN Sport Center. Some of us have other sport in mind, besides anything aired Saturday and Sunday. For some men those major television network Coliseum of commercial sales propaganda, mean nothing. We don’t believe subconsciously, drinking one beer over another will make us more or less attractive.
Yes gents, I know I’m not a spokesperson for the stereotypical male, but I do have the weekends free.
Maybe now is the time to worry.

Nice Guys on the Bench

I’m pretty upset again, as a Nice Guy, which is really no surprise. I have never been married, and had few relationships, even if they are of a greater duration than that of my peers. I’ve note, even the men of my age, still go through companions as fast as the energy drinks they consume.

I would think these men would count themselves as lucky. They don’t though. They seem continuously on the prowl for the BBD. (Bigger Better Deal). They never realize how blessed they are. They verbally abuse their companion. Offer belittling them in public, only to show off. I would have thought these affectations would pass like the generations, but they have not.

My true issue is the men who’ve chosen this path, where it involves their female companions. These behaviors make it close to impossible for well-mannered “Nice Guys”, quiet as they are, to have a chance at a successful relationship. Which isn’t surprising, when one considers the emotions and questions that rise, from the shell-shocked female, after her latest male companion has abused insulted ignored or just taken for granted, all that could have been theirs.

For men like myself, who know or are often told they are a Nice Guy, a good friend, and like a brother, can even be a more difficult reality. One is of course, pleased to be in such company. However, the nice guy can be torn apart by these words. They can be a reminder of their loneliness, and failure to communicate their feelings effectively.

I’d like to help myself, and other Nice Guys with a word of advice, to disillusioned women. If you as a women, find all of your relationships have a tone that includes, belittling of your thoughts ideas and personal beliefs, it’s time for a change. This change is all up to the women. It starts with a realization that the relationships that have been, are the opposite of what’s truly desired.

After the true desire and realization are reached, a solution is easy. Take that internal list of Nice Guys, Just friends, and like Brothers, and look at it closely. Ask yourself why and what qualities,  these esteemed Nice Guys, friends, and like brothers, have that place them on this list.

You can allow yourselves as women, decent quality men. Arguably there are men on your personal mental relegation lists, that are excluded subconsciously or otherwise, for whatever reason.

Those reasons could be any number of things, such as looks, weight, style, earning potential, education, or considerations about what others within your circle may think or say. This should be looked at closely. Making sure first, that you are meeting your own expectations. Asking if you’re limiting yourself in your relationships, because of image and esteem issues, while looking at your past relationships success or failure.

My contention is, there are fine decent caring men who are excluded from many relationship possibilities, because they are Good Guys. They are decent caring men, willing to put in the work relationships require. Men who feel blessed by their companion, instead of entitled to a companion. Men who can listen, because they feel blessed to have someone sharing with them. Men who would never consider calling their female companion demeaning names, because first, it’s not in their nature, or second in any way called for.

There are fine men waiting on the sidelines, to enter the game, when it’s finally realized the starting line up has been no real show, but all flash. When you need someone with the energy, who will happily go into overtime, while still playing a clean game, those Nice Guys on the bench are happy and pleased to step in. Look to the bench, as a Nice Guy is there to step in, with fairness honesty, and modesty.

For men, flip-flop the sexes in this post. Whats good for the goose, is good for the gander.

A Quiet Dream

I’ve known you for years.

I have also loved you for those years.

Quietly in the corners of your time,

I have sat patiently on the sidelines.

 

I see the most beautiful work of art.

Full of dimension and truth,

freshly experienced each time destiny is blessing enough,

to perceive all of creation.

 

Grace and good fortune ever unflinching,

permit my eyes not, hedonistic wakings to a masterpiece,

such as mother-nature has so few times favored.

 

Never consenting to the moniker of collector,

a title many a blighter would treasure,

I’ve forever knowingly valued from afar,

when others would casually tender bids,

for what they can never provide.

 

No one, could afford themselves alone,

such wonderment.

Yet a print is not my wish.

The original masterwork, my dream.

 

Relationships Money and Violence

I’m not a fighter, in my relationships. I don’t yell rage or menace my partner, when there is friction. I would never raise my hand or strike my companion. Unfortunately my ways aren’t the ways of all men. I would even say the problem of abuse, and issues that can be the catalyst for abuse, are on the rise. I certainly don’t have any statistical proof of my supposition. It’s more a visceral response, based on what I see.

There is very little that will stress a relationship more, than difficulties with finances. With conditions as they are, I imagine there are more stressed relationships than there were 4 or 5 years ago. The true assessment of this hypothesis, I’ve done with my eyes and ears, when out in public and at home. I take what I observe today, then compare to memories of similar experiences in my past.

I’m not one to get out much, but like everyone else I must shop. This is a great time to observe the interactions of couples shopping together, and they are a dime a dozen. Also, shopping requires money, so the stress dynamic is in play.

The main arguments on the isles seem to come from impulse and convenience items or goods that are intoxicating. I’d put 1/3 of the shopping couples conflicts, in the intoxicant category. And yes, here it’s usually the female of the couple appealing for temperance. So with this observation, I can look at other situations and see if the same dynamic applies.

I can’t say I’m blessed, as a man in his mid-forties, with teenage as neighbors. I am though, blessed with much activity to draw in and draw on, with my living arrangements. I also think looking at the interactions of young couples, just learning about what real relationship require, is an excellent time to see the reality of monetary stresses at their base level. Young people having less money than established adults, generally speaking, creates a volatile environment to monitor.

I think it might be tradition, or even an inbred sense of responsibility, but this type of stress taints the mans behavior, more so than the female. Although this is merely my personal observation. I believe this is where the behaviors come into play, that shame men on the whole. This too is only my observation however, in the area of yelling I believe the woman have the men beat on this action. It’s easily though, the most socially acceptable of the behaviors. As for rage, that goes to the men, from the sound that comes through my living room wall. Finally we have menace in the mix. This is an action that leads to the domestic violence that sickens me, and that I deplore.

I know the monetary stress is taking its toll. I know this because, the issue has seeped through my walls. I know it’s gone too far for a couple, when there financial issues wake me in the night. I see the relationship is at a tragic point, or should be, when I’m reaching for the phone, wondering if I should make a call. And, it’s completely beyond repair, when I’ve dial the police, because the slam against my wall had me thinking, I was going to have a house guest.

It’s amazing though, that a males ego and pride can lead to such anger, as well as violence. To me a difficult challenge should be met by a coming together. Obstacles should bring to a couple, unity of purpose. The roll of help-mate not hurt-mate, should be the practice of both parties. That though, was not the experience of last night.

Are these abusive practices on the rise? Yes, I believe they are in the younger generations. Whether it’s a lack of two parent families, because of divorce, or a step back from two parent families traditional roles, there seems to be an unwanted result. Possibly it’s a product of media influence. Whatever it is, I don’t like the trend I see, or the future it represents. I also feel, outcomes like last night, give men on the whole a bad name. And frankly I don’t think the penalties for such behavior go far enough. I’m not arguing for harsher sentences. I am though asking other men who aren’t abusers to shun those who are. To look at your group of buddies, and remove from your circle those who are giving you a bad name. Don’t make excuses. Don’t listen to their justifications, as there aren’t any. In the words of Isaac Asimov “Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent”.

 

Regarding the Advancement of Fundamental Jihadism

 

I find it amusing, after looking at both countries, that the US and Russia have the same view of radical Islam. Both countries have the same concerns, regarding the advancement of fundamental jihadism. Yet, both hold polar opposite policies and practices, in dealing with the issue. An almost counter productive situation. Created by a lack of communication unity and joint purpose between the two parties.

Since we have the same desired result, It would behoove both nations to combine into a unified front. This joint effort, would expand the efficacy of each countries anti-terrorism policies and practices. The possibility of this unified approach, is merely a dream. Even though the partnership would be affective, it’s ignored by the US. As cooperation doesn’t advances the United States imperial practices. Nor does cooperation destabilize governments or geographical regions. Cooperation would finally be lost, as the US seems follows all its anti-terror efforts by occupation.

This is the rub between the two nations. This is what stops the communication. This is where the two sides don’t see eye to eye, as decisions are taken on halting the expansion of jihadist terrorism.

Our practice as a nation, is to dominant an area physically. Using first our air power. Followed then by, the movement of military hardware and troops into the region or area in question. This is obviously a practice that takes place outside the national boarders of the United States. It seems however this practice expands recruitment for terrorist groups, and creates conditions that could expand the possibility of blow back, against the citizens of the United States.

The Russian practice of fighting terrorism, takes place inside its own boarders. It focuses on internal control, to keep its population safe. It works on a basis of intelligence, and seeks to not expand the terrorist threat, with its practices and policies. It works to avoid blow back, against its members citizens.

As I’m a cynic, these two great nation will never come together. The two nations will never see eye to eye, even though both share the same concern, where Islamic Jihad and terrorism are concerned. It’s truly a shame, really. Both countries could take lessons from the other. Also, as the concerns are the same, the joint effort would have a greater effect. With each side tempering the other and contributing to its practice, we would have twice as effective a front against terrorism as we do now.

I’d add to this cooperation, a decrease in overall spending for each nation. Something both nations could use, as crude oil prices fall for Russia, and the fiscal cliff approaches for the United States. But alas, these things will never come to pass. The destabilization and conflict, are set to continue. Now I can only watch the opportunity falter fail and fade. One that may have achieved real success, in the war on terror.

 

 

 

Playing Like Selfish Children

What the hell is going on? Has the world lost its mind? Is this a worldwide push for total destruction? I can see nothing but the ignorance of pride. The, I must get mine before you get yours, greed, has gone national. With all parties concerned, digging in their heels.

We as individual nations, are now playing like selfish children on the play ground, arguing over who gets to use the basketball and hoop. What’s needed is a bit of detention time, writing lines such as, “We shall not force our imperialism on populations, through military conquest”. Even if those lines only served to keep those in detention, from racing to destroy the world.

I’ve stated it before, and I’ll say it again. If our countries had mothers, we’d all be better off. With the recent behaviors of many nations, a mother chewing some ass might help with an attitude adjustment. And one is truly needed. All the skills we’re taught in our first lessons, like respect and sharing, are completely absent from the present conversations and actions taken by one country or group over another, all around the world today.

If all we ever needed to know, we actually learned in kindergarten. Groups and governments must have failed, this most basic of all lesson. Knowing this is the case, I understand why our world seems to be run by the angry selfish and retarded. What we have, might need a few cracks with the kitchens wooden spoon. A little physical reminder to shape up fly right, and get those priorities straight. Because, at this point the childish behavior and selfishness, is a hindrance not a help.

Comments from the Projects – Now You Know Me

When I was young, I spent a goodly amount of time working in the projects. I have seen things no one should have to see. I have even turned my head to wrong. There are times, even now, when guilt from my lack of strength then, can haunt my nights sleep.

I got along with the street gangs. When you are the only employee working a grave yard shift, in a C-store in the projects, there is really no other choice. Using my nickname, made things easier as I settled in to the job. We, meaning some of my regular customers and myself, had made an agreement, that worked until the very last day of my employment.

C-stores worker seem to be close to the top of the list, of the most dangerous jobs in America. I can say that’s probably close to true. You see, I’ve been shot at, and held at gun point, more than once. I’ve been robbed. I’ve taken a gun from hands of an angry man, who was about to commit an act of violence from which there is no return. I have also provided first aid to victims of drive by shootings. Showing I can be strong. But, I have looked the other way while rock cocaine was sold, and at times while violence was committed on others. All this, at the time, to save my own worthless hide. Even though it compromised my own moral and ethics.

There are many memories from this time, I would give much to not think of anymore. The scenes in my mind’s eye, are too much even now. Watching someone punch through a car window, to drag the driver out through the shattered glass, for reasons unknown to me. This I won’t forget. Running down a thieves and fighting in the streets, were never actions I thought I’d be participating in. The job I had though, placed me in stores that were troubled, or where in a previous shift the clerk had been beaten stabbed or shot. That was the job I did for Southland corp.

I was working one evening with some undercover officers. They had taken a position with a line of sight into my store. I had a walkie-talkie, so we could communicate. That night there was a fight in my parking lot. I stepped out of my store, and walked right into the SH*T. By the time the officers arrived, I had been in a fight with a man who I didn’t get the better of. I found out later from the officers, he was a “gang-banger” from Chicago. The bad part of it all, was when I went to court. They had a man there to stand for the charges, but not the right man. I’ve had this feeling since then, in regards to that precinct, that any black man they could put up to stand for the charges, was good enough for them.

Another late night work experience I’ve had, was on weekday. It was at the 2am mark. In this state, at 2am, alcohol sales stop for 4 hours. Resuming sales at 6am. There were two men on my beer aisle this day. They had an altercation, but I’ve never been certain as to what. Both, making no purchases, headed out of the store. One of the men was walking briskly up the street. The other had gone to his car. When he got to his car, he pulled out a gun and turned to aim it at the back of the man walking up the street. My gut turned and I hit the double doors. I was out in the lot now, with the angered gunman. I yelled to get his attention as he had already pointed the gun. With balls I didn’t know I had, I walked up on him and took the gun from his hand. I dropped the clip, cleared the chambered bullet, and striped it down into pieces, before I handed his gun back to him.

I’ve only put down a few experiences so far, but now I want to tell about the last day I worked the job.

It was a Friday night, and my friend was in the store after his shift. Standing in line to buy his usual. I single 16 oz. can of beer. He always stopped on his way home. Many times we had time to talk, but that was only when my business was slow. He was the head waiter at a restaurant called “The Blue Max”. This night though, my store was packed with a mix of folks. Even a few gang members who were known to me, were in the store too. My friend was standing in line and said hello, that’s all just a simple hello, to a female customer who was also in line, waiting to make a purchase. I didn’t know the female shopper was one of the SSL members girlfriend. On the hello, all hell broke loose, and the riot and looting began.

My friend was attacked and beaten by the gang, while other members held me back. They poured the boiling chilli and cheese on him. They tossed him into a display of Budweiser 12 packs.

Held back, I watched my store clear of people and goods. The only people left in the store were my self, my friend, and 2 gang members. They corralled him, working up and down the isles. He made it to the last aisle. He was almost free and through the door. Then the real violence started. One of the gang members had taken a glass jar of Taster Choice decaf off the shelf. With one person left between my friend and the door, the coffee holder ran up behind and broke the glass jar over his head. My friends head was split right open, in a long and wide gash.

There was only myself and my friend left in the store. I gave what first aid I could. He was transported to trauma center for care. I was to later find out it had taken 56 stitches to seal the wound. After the police and medics left I cleaned the store. Mopping began by smearing the red blood all over the floor. I pulled the damaged, bloody products, from the shelf.

I never went back to that store or the company after that night. I testified on tape, and 3 went to jail. One for attempted murder, I was told back then. The truth after all is said and done is, I’ve not been the same man, since that day.

I am jaded and effected each day. Small things, a word, a smell, a look, and I am back in the hood. Seeing all the things no one should see, even those who live in the hood. The anger and hurt are with me, it never leaves. I judge myself. I am guilty of not doing all I could to change these outcomes. But know, you all bear some responsiblity too.

Remember we live in this world together, and have made life as it is over time. We’ve gone about doing this by exactly method I judge myself for. We turn away, closing our eyes not wanting to see the truth. We say it’s someone elses concern, when it’s not. It’s all of our concern. As we live our comfy lives, in our nice homes. Seemingly, in safe neighborhoods. Blinded to the real world.

Know this. It isn’t better than it was, it’s worse. Gangs and violence haven’t gone away. It morphs and grows. It’s coming for us, because we choose to turn our heads. It’s coming for us, because we believe it’s someone elses problem.

I don’t want you to end up like me. Heed my advice, acknowledge this issue. Don’t stick your head in the sand. I want you to do what I no longer can, I want you to be able to sleep at night. Be well. Do what you can to change yourself, change the situation, and change your world.

From Complex to Simple

 

I find it an oddity in human beings, that procrastination is always the choices, when it comes to taking and making important decisions.. As individuals most of us do fine by the percentages in the management of life. As complexities build, by adding individuals to these groups. The management of the group system becomes more complex, the larger the count of individuals within the group grows.

From there, each movement of that group, as a whole, becomes weighted with added complexity to the management system. There are many and varied examples, if one thinks for a moment. When the groups finally are confront from within, most are too large to easily change, for the needs of their members. Clubs committees religions business government, and many other group archetypes, are these systems of giant complexity.

These Mega-systems are long to change, quick to respond, structures. Some are so large, the decision making process is a fettered one. As apposing individuals within the group posture, the progress comes to a stop. Compromise is lost to the large group. With individual concerns, for progress to actually take place, the problem of the group has to come to the point, where if nothing is done, the group will fail. A point of so much pressure and pain, the T.I.N.A belief, (There Is No Alternative) truly applies. A breaking point of assured destruction.

If you doubt this, I recommend taking a look at the issues around the world, being managed by these Mega-groups. International and sovereign governments business banks and social control like media, are some of these huge systems, and their overall failure, not to mention the lies, fraud, broken laws, false wars and buddy bailouts, all fit this Mega-model.

Not one of these Mega System, can any longer benefit from one good idea. It simply gets lost in the buzz of these system. Destine if anything, to be watered down altered and made complex. After all that, it may never again see the light of day.

Complex system are fully our problem. Human nature is to simplify and advance. The nature of the Mega-system is to add complexity and obstruct.

If we want to advance change, have more freedom with less corporation manipulation and lies, simplification is the only way to change the pattern of decision making. Simplification is the way to transparency. Simplification is the way to combat manipulations and lies. Simplification also closes the chance for fraud. Our hope and direction as people on mass, should be to work for the simplification of these complex system,. It is the one thing I believe will lead us, into a better future for all mankind.

She asked if only to know… (Trust)

She asked if only to know, do you see me as a shell not a soul ? To know me takes long days.. weeks.. months, even years. Breaking down barriers. Exposing, ones fears. Not so much Listening to what’s said, as what’s meant

For who beholds beauty, in face and in hand, but the cowardly, unthinking neanderthal man. So afraid of himself, he looks for his solace in beauty and form, like a musicians chorus. Not lyric, or meaning of song.

She asked once again this time for the truth. I do he said, his voice with a waiver. A hope against hope, to win her favor. But his lie was seen through.

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