The Darker Side of a Human Experience

I find many have questions about my personal issues. They want to know why I call myself a hermit. Some what to know how I became a hermit. Others ask why I feel a need to limit my contact with people, even as I profess to loving all of humanity and the wonders of uniqueness within all people. So, I will attempt to share the truth and whys of this aspect of my life.

There is a time in my past where I lost all faith in the decency of my fellow humans. It took some time for these feelings of fading faith and trust, to degrade to a point, where a single action pushed these issues straight over the edge, for yours truly.

I know I’ve seen more of the darker side of humanity, than most. I think that’s a good thing though. I think, most often, those on the darker side haven’t made an overt or conscious choice to get where they are. With circumstances often beyond youths control, youth as it ages in difficulty and stress, moves towards this, that I call the darker side of a human experience.

My first upset back then, was the effect of poverty. Even in a western culture, under our standards, poverty is a sad state of affairs. It wasn’t the struggle of the adults in poverty that was difficult. It was the suffering of the young whose parents were struggling. It was knowing that there was enough not to end the struggle of the parents but the suffering of the children.

Seeing how youth has changed, and not for the better, when something truly their own, was missing from their life. When others have had good summer vacations with family, but yours was trying to save some change for clean laundry. Knowing other families have leftovers from meals, when your experience is white bread and mayonnaise sandwiches, after scraping together enough change, at the month’s end, for a loaf of bread, isn’t the best place for youth to consider their future.

So I’ve watched what actions become more common and seemingly acceptable as these age groups progress in years. Knowing at the same time, because of various other experiences, that such a life for children doesn’t have to exist . That doesn’t stop the negative advancement. Knowing there’s an answer and having the powers that be take the decision that gives the answer motion are completely different.

My first hit to faith was the no action for the sake of children. My second hit to faith was the young themselves, and the ease at which their ethical actions push aside. But here, I don’t actually see any behaviors that other poor populace’s don’t espouse when impoverished themselves. Maybe I was wrong to hope for better.

These are small issues. The true move over the edge is seeing those youth who’ve become adults in this environment, who now have a real choice in life, as to their direction, choosing to advance their loss of moral and ethical values under the free will of adulthood.

These observations of a communities dynamic came from direct observation, while working at a crappy Convenience-Store. Granted, you do see the best and the worst of humanity in such a place. Honestly though, those best parts of humanity are very few and farther between, than one would hope.

The worst of humanity is what caused my personal change. My lack of trust and loss of faith in my fellow-man, is complete with this, the worst part. That part being those youths who’ve grown to adulthood and not changed their path but escalated their crimes.

I had a friend stop in my work after his work to grab his nightly 16 ounce beer and chat. I had a bunch of customers rushing to buy alcohol, and in queue. My friend said hello to a female customer, and all hell broke loose. My friend was then attacked, by the girls boyfriend, who was also a neighborhood gang member. While this happened others held me back, and seeing an opportunity the customers looted the store. Meanwhile while being held back, the gang members attempted the murder of my friend while I could only struggle and watch.

When it finished, after the looting beating ambulance and police, I cleaned up the puddles of blood my friend had left, and pulled blood spattered products off the shelves, and tried to clean the dried droplets from the windows, and finished my shift. I’ve never to return to the neighborhood let alone the store.

Several months later I testified against the three gang member, at trial. They were, convicted. I lost a friend too. I think that was destiny. I know I suffered guilt for so long, not being able to save a friend from such a fate. I’ve also even though I love humanity, I have no faith or trust in those whom I don’t know. This is why I choose the life of a hermit. These circumstances are why I stay close to home. You see it’s not for me I stay home, it’s for you. Protection is the concern. Protecting you from me. My lack of trust and faith in you, brings me to a full defensive state. A state of mind where the unknowns are a danger and those dangers might cause on my part the inappropriate actions, of which I complain. A loss of morals and ethics, as my body slips into survival mood.

I am kind loving stable and happy when holding down the hermit home front. I am a spring ready to snap, ready to give up my life for those I love, without question, on a seconds notice of perceived danger. I am a hermit, and see myself as an unaccounted for variable when spending time in public. As a hermit I care and I love, in public I’m a time bomb that searches for injustice and crime. I have what I’m told is a special look. Which has now and then served me well. The unknown for other is when that look comes, how close I am to dispensing my brand of vigilantly justice, with a special emphasis on adults who are lucky enough to have children, but choose to abuse them in public. Because the children are innocence, till the world of selfish uncaring inattentive abusive adults, destroys the children from within.

So, Why am I a hermit? I am a hermit for you, so I can keep love in my heart for everyone.

I Know What I Feel

Here is a sentence that holds more truths than the simple words imply. “I know what I feel.”

Feelings are a burden. The overriding of logic with emotion,. a problem specific only to humans in our animal kingdom. Many times a serious hindrance to our advancement as a species, while it adds depth to culture. Isn’t depth in culture, the path to allow a thinking species its eventual advancement? It feels as if that’s the answer in a times of heightened emotion. Simply talking the foot off the gas, of the one “unified world” theory.

Even the staggering stumbling steps so far, seem destined to fail. As the “Emotions” we share are the same, but the “Feelings” stimulated vary by culture, upbringing, and personal experience. This variance is what causes a continuation to illogical wars. While also making a world governing body an eventual, and inevitable failure, without a change from its present philosophical direction. One which presently seems diametrically opposed to culture, despite the titles given to its programs .

I feel power and domination forcing change, isn’t real change. I feel finding supporters of domination, by the powerful, and their interventions to cause change, isn’t real change either. I’d like to feel centralized power in a few elites, is losing the control it once had. Unfortunately I’m a realist, and the needed technologies aren’t there yet. I also feel it won’t, for many “justified“ reasons . I don’t feel good about that either, because there are many methods implemented to form the cultures opinion. Not all of those methods are of organic origin, but planned manipulations. All opinions can’t even yet be understood without this depth of cultures. I feel there is constant work to stifle this depth, going on behind the scenes daily.

I feel a wave is slowly forming in all regions of the world, and I’m not speaking of the many “springs”. I feel a wave of understanding has begun to take form, on the manipulations of the past, and the abuses brought on the various cultures by those manipulations. I feel the worst part is, these manipulations of people’s  over the years  were somehow for me.

I fail to understand those with power. I see power in domination, but I see how compromise has infinite power as well. Even if it’s a slightly different form. How can this not be seen as the tool it is? Is it that it’s more difficult and requires one to learn new tactics? To actually think. The power wielded through compromise builds feeling and cultural connection. Power through domination, overt or subtle, stomps feeling and cultural connection.

We value material as the citizens of a nations of dominating power, not culture. Is that the right side of history? I feel human drones aren’t what we were to aspire to . A mirror image of each other worldwide, isn’t a rich place to live. Even with the latest I-Phone, you’re just another worker bee.

Our world is as diverse as its people and their feelings. Those feelings form opinions. The present trend of a “one size fits all” method of rule, seems destined to fail. Unification of cultures isn’t possible yet, with our lack of depth. Our understand of each other has some way to go I feel, and from now on cultural depth is under fire.

My reference for these thoughts of mine are, “I know what I feel”.

 

Being Human

Being human isn’t easy, but working from the animal within, is taking the easy way out. What is being human? Being human is the ability to contrast compare and change. Being Human isn’t ones baser emotions of hate and fear, but to set those aside and love ones fellow human beings as they are, instead of changing them into a mirror image of self.

Nice Guys on the Bench

I’m pretty upset again, as a Nice Guy, which is really no surprise. I have never been married, and had few relationships, even if they are of a greater duration than that of my peers. I’ve note, even the men of my age, still go through companions as fast as the energy drinks they consume.

I would think these men would count themselves as lucky. They don’t though. They seem continuously on the prowl for the BBD. (Bigger Better Deal). They never realize how blessed they are. They verbally abuse their companion. Offer belittling them in public, only to show off. I would have thought these affectations would pass like the generations, but they have not.

My true issue is the men who’ve chosen this path, where it involves their female companions. These behaviors make it close to impossible for well-mannered “Nice Guys”, quiet as they are, to have a chance at a successful relationship. Which isn’t surprising, when one considers the emotions and questions that rise, from the shell-shocked female, after her latest male companion has abused insulted ignored or just taken for granted, all that could have been theirs.

For men like myself, who know or are often told they are a Nice Guy, a good friend, and like a brother, can even be a more difficult reality. One is of course, pleased to be in such company. However, the nice guy can be torn apart by these words. They can be a reminder of their loneliness, and failure to communicate their feelings effectively.

I’d like to help myself, and other Nice Guys with a word of advice, to disillusioned women. If you as a women, find all of your relationships have a tone that includes, belittling of your thoughts ideas and personal beliefs, it’s time for a change. This change is all up to the women. It starts with a realization that the relationships that have been, are the opposite of what’s truly desired.

After the true desire and realization are reached, a solution is easy. Take that internal list of Nice Guys, Just friends, and like Brothers, and look at it closely. Ask yourself why and what qualities,  these esteemed Nice Guys, friends, and like brothers, have that place them on this list.

You can allow yourselves as women, decent quality men. Arguably there are men on your personal mental relegation lists, that are excluded subconsciously or otherwise, for whatever reason.

Those reasons could be any number of things, such as looks, weight, style, earning potential, education, or considerations about what others within your circle may think or say. This should be looked at closely. Making sure first, that you are meeting your own expectations. Asking if you’re limiting yourself in your relationships, because of image and esteem issues, while looking at your past relationships success or failure.

My contention is, there are fine decent caring men who are excluded from many relationship possibilities, because they are Good Guys. They are decent caring men, willing to put in the work relationships require. Men who feel blessed by their companion, instead of entitled to a companion. Men who can listen, because they feel blessed to have someone sharing with them. Men who would never consider calling their female companion demeaning names, because first, it’s not in their nature, or second in any way called for.

There are fine men waiting on the sidelines, to enter the game, when it’s finally realized the starting line up has been no real show, but all flash. When you need someone with the energy, who will happily go into overtime, while still playing a clean game, those Nice Guys on the bench are happy and pleased to step in. Look to the bench, as a Nice Guy is there to step in, with fairness honesty, and modesty.

For men, flip-flop the sexes in this post. Whats good for the goose, is good for the gander.

McCain Defined

Definitions to help people understand, John McCain.

Senility : def. #1. Mental infirmity as a consequence of old age; sometimes shown by foolish infatuations

Infatuation : def. #3. An object of extravagant short-lived passion.

Extravagant : def. #1. Unrestrained, especially with regard to feelings.

Unrestrained : def. #1. Marked by uncontrolled excitement or emotion.

Emotion : def. #1. Any strong feeling.

Feeling : def. #2. A vague idea in which some confidence is placed.

Unrestrained extravagant senility, infatuated with its own emotions and feelings, that’s John McCain. Or he would have shown up for the closed door session, where Gen. Petraeus was giving testimony. Briefing our officials as too his thoughts, and the details behind  Benghazi. No, he was complaining about the lack of information on Benghazi  in a press conference, during the General’s testimony. Go John!!

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