The Darker Side of a Human Experience

I find many have questions about my personal issues. They want to know why I call myself a hermit. Some what to know how I became a hermit. Others ask why I feel a need to limit my contact with people, even as I profess to loving all of humanity and the wonders of uniqueness within all people. So, I will attempt to share the truth and whys of this aspect of my life.

There is a time in my past where I lost all faith in the decency of my fellow humans. It took some time for these feelings of fading faith and trust, to degrade to a point, where a single action pushed these issues straight over the edge, for yours truly.

I know I’ve seen more of the darker side of humanity, than most. I think that’s a good thing though. I think, most often, those on the darker side haven’t made an overt or conscious choice to get where they are. With circumstances often beyond youths control, youth as it ages in difficulty and stress, moves towards this, that I call the darker side of a human experience.

My first upset back then, was the effect of poverty. Even in a western culture, under our standards, poverty is a sad state of affairs. It wasn’t the struggle of the adults in poverty that was difficult. It was the suffering of the young whose parents were struggling. It was knowing that there was enough not to end the struggle of the parents but the suffering of the children.

Seeing how youth has changed, and not for the better, when something truly their own, was missing from their life. When others have had good summer vacations with family, but yours was trying to save some change for clean laundry. Knowing other families have leftovers from meals, when your experience is white bread and mayonnaise sandwiches, after scraping together enough change, at the month’s end, for a loaf of bread, isn’t the best place for youth to consider their future.

So I’ve watched what actions become more common and seemingly acceptable as these age groups progress in years. Knowing at the same time, because of various other experiences, that such a life for children doesn’t have to exist . That doesn’t stop the negative advancement. Knowing there’s an answer and having the powers that be take the decision that gives the answer motion are completely different.

My first hit to faith was the no action for the sake of children. My second hit to faith was the young themselves, and the ease at which their ethical actions push aside. But here, I don’t actually see any behaviors that other poor populace’s don’t espouse when impoverished themselves. Maybe I was wrong to hope for better.

These are small issues. The true move over the edge is seeing those youth who’ve become adults in this environment, who now have a real choice in life, as to their direction, choosing to advance their loss of moral and ethical values under the free will of adulthood.

These observations of a communities dynamic came from direct observation, while working at a crappy Convenience-Store. Granted, you do see the best and the worst of humanity in such a place. Honestly though, those best parts of humanity are very few and farther between, than one would hope.

The worst of humanity is what caused my personal change. My lack of trust and loss of faith in my fellow-man, is complete with this, the worst part. That part being those youths who’ve grown to adulthood and not changed their path but escalated their crimes.

I had a friend stop in my work after his work to grab his nightly 16 ounce beer and chat. I had a bunch of customers rushing to buy alcohol, and in queue. My friend said hello to a female customer, and all hell broke loose. My friend was then attacked, by the girls boyfriend, who was also a neighborhood gang member. While this happened others held me back, and seeing an opportunity the customers looted the store. Meanwhile while being held back, the gang members attempted the murder of my friend while I could only struggle and watch.

When it finished, after the looting beating ambulance and police, I cleaned up the puddles of blood my friend had left, and pulled blood spattered products off the shelves, and tried to clean the dried droplets from the windows, and finished my shift. I’ve never to return to the neighborhood let alone the store.

Several months later I testified against the three gang member, at trial. They were, convicted. I lost a friend too. I think that was destiny. I know I suffered guilt for so long, not being able to save a friend from such a fate. I’ve also even though I love humanity, I have no faith or trust in those whom I don’t know. This is why I choose the life of a hermit. These circumstances are why I stay close to home. You see it’s not for me I stay home, it’s for you. Protection is the concern. Protecting you from me. My lack of trust and faith in you, brings me to a full defensive state. A state of mind where the unknowns are a danger and those dangers might cause on my part the inappropriate actions, of which I complain. A loss of morals and ethics, as my body slips into survival mood.

I am kind loving stable and happy when holding down the hermit home front. I am a spring ready to snap, ready to give up my life for those I love, without question, on a seconds notice of perceived danger. I am a hermit, and see myself as an unaccounted for variable when spending time in public. As a hermit I care and I love, in public I’m a time bomb that searches for injustice and crime. I have what I’m told is a special look. Which has now and then served me well. The unknown for other is when that look comes, how close I am to dispensing my brand of vigilantly justice, with a special emphasis on adults who are lucky enough to have children, but choose to abuse them in public. Because the children are innocence, till the world of selfish uncaring inattentive abusive adults, destroys the children from within.

So, Why am I a hermit? I am a hermit for you, so I can keep love in my heart for everyone.

Complaining about the Generations

I’m almost amused. Almost. I was thinking about how the generations, when adults, always complain about those generations in their youth. I think it’s been so, for a very long time. You can even hear the common statement of the group of elders, in your head if you try. Just go for cliché. “Oh, The world is going to hell, with the way these kids are today.” There’s also always some sort of discussion about Behavior, Disrespect, Lack of values, even Criminal Activities.

Yet each generation of our children grow into their teen years raised on a media diet that exposes the elder generations greatest worry concern and deepest fear. Installing, almost willingly through media indoctrination, exactly those issues and actions that grasp the attention of their elders, as weapons for a rebellious youth.

Youth will always rebel, and unfortunately most youth, because of their youth, have little wisdom. Rebellion without wisdom is a dangerous and volatile mix. Add a little depression and you have a bomb. Take take as a loose example, the Newtown, Connecticut shootings, at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

We as the elder generation, concentrate our scorn on the language of youth. A truly expressive even productive way to event frustration and anger. Stifling most chances for our aging youth, to relate the internal stresses rampant in those years, to those whom should listen and guide. But those who are to listen allow the disaffected youth, close to unfettered access to their deepest fears, through news, serial programs, movies, and video games.

We have created many and increasing hardships on youth and young adults. By a changing work force. By divorces, unwed mothers, and absentee fathers. By failures in education due to standardized testing and ever-increasing budget cuts. A choice lessening the draw of college students to teaching. A career path seen to have unfair remuneration standards, with little to no prestige and ever decreasing gratitude, and a growing need for out-of-pocket expenditures for proper lessons.

These actions, whether it’s the language restrictions that stifled communication, media exposure to a cultures greatest fears, the parental guidance for the young that’s missing, due to a changing work force and new family types, the growing lack of quality comprehensive primary and secondary education, because of a lessening in activities, facilities, materials, assistance, and standards, or a fall in those who would glory in teaching, if they weren’t crapped on, has taken a toll on our children.

That almost amusing part is, each one of these actions on the younger generation that’s caused damaged, cast aspersions, or drove one to a violent outburst, were either voted on, chosen by, or allowed by the adults. And strangely, those same adults, are the ones who often complain about, or criticize the next generation. And even more odd and disturbing, those same adults again, were those who as adults should have protect and guide those youths to adulthood.

 

Playing Like Selfish Children

What the hell is going on? Has the world lost its mind? Is this a worldwide push for total destruction? I can see nothing but the ignorance of pride. The, I must get mine before you get yours, greed, has gone national. With all parties concerned, digging in their heels.

We as individual nations, are now playing like selfish children on the play ground, arguing over who gets to use the basketball and hoop. What’s needed is a bit of detention time, writing lines such as, “We shall not force our imperialism on populations, through military conquest”. Even if those lines only served to keep those in detention, from racing to destroy the world.

I’ve stated it before, and I’ll say it again. If our countries had mothers, we’d all be better off. With the recent behaviors of many nations, a mother chewing some ass might help with an attitude adjustment. And one is truly needed. All the skills we’re taught in our first lessons, like respect and sharing, are completely absent from the present conversations and actions taken by one country or group over another, all around the world today.

If all we ever needed to know, we actually learned in kindergarten. Groups and governments must have failed, this most basic of all lesson. Knowing this is the case, I understand why our world seems to be run by the angry selfish and retarded. What we have, might need a few cracks with the kitchens wooden spoon. A little physical reminder to shape up fly right, and get those priorities straight. Because, at this point the childish behavior and selfishness, is a hindrance not a help.

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